The Dank Blog

     I dont really get into arguments. If I did I don't remember them because my memory is crap. So I'll make something up. It's the summer of 73' and me and Danny DeVito are sitting on the front steps of the ice cream shop. We start to talk about school and family, then all of the sudden, he says, "wait a minute, you stole my Johnny Bench baseball card, didn't you?" Why would I do that? It's his favorite card. I wondered why he would think that. He got so mad, his face turned red. I start to say that I didn't do it. Before you know it it's a heated argument over some card. He pushed me so I pushed him back. He then storms off. We didn't speak for a whole year and a half. I remember, in January of 1975, he comes up to me and says, "turns out, I forgot that I put my card in the birds nest in front of my house. Want to be friends again?" I evaluate  the situation, and I'm all for it and we resume our friendship. To celebrate we ...

     We were supposed to write a blog about what good things we did over break. I didn't leave my room the entire time, so it was hard to do things for people. But, through some miracle, I managed to be nice. I woke up one aftern- I mean morning, I went downstairs and lo and behold, everyone was awake. I go and grab all the crappy foods I can find that would probably cause my liver to stop functioning , and just as I'm about to go back upstairs to waste my life, my mom says, "Sarah, go shovel the neighbors sidewalk." I'll tell you what, I wanted to lock myself in my room and cocoon myself in five comforters to escape the cold. But I obeyed Mommy Dearest and went out to shovel. It. Was. Cold. I don't know how my phalanges (favorite word) didn't fall off. My neighbor is an elderly, senile, sweet old guy. The snow was pretty heavy and my noodle arms were having a hard time handling the snow. Gene, my neighbor, came out with some tea and cookies and offered so...